If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
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