I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
