I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
