Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
