Only a mothe r could love this liver
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
