Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
