it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
