I wanna passion pit in your ass
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
