All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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