Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
