my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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