No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
