You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Every concussion has its silver lining
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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