And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
