I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
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