its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
