I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
