my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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