I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
should my penis look like a turkey
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
