my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
