Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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