I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
we're so committed to being not committed
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Please don't give away my fajitas
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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