What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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