is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
