i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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