Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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