girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize