the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize