Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
