He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
