dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
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