Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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