i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
We need a shit load of segways right now
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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