I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
