this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Gay?
German.
Pity.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
