she woke up with a sticky ear
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
