fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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