i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Randomize