Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
