in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
