i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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