I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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