Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
