Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
D3 body, D1 cock
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
