We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I wish there were birth control emojis
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
