you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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