she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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