Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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