ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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