he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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