I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Randomize
