don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Your penis caused this!
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