I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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