You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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