My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Randomize
