but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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