Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
