I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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