Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
