I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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