Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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