your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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