508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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