I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
