I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
